Upright Eagle
Jun/090
What do you think of my writing?
Just after an opinion form an objective person. please be brutally honest.
"The protector was a hideous creature. It's four legs akin to those of a spider, but with a bulls hoofs, bent sharply at the knee so it's upright torso sat low to the ground. It's body and arms were those of a powerful man and it had the talons of an eagle in place of hands. But it was the face. It had the face of a wolf, but narrower and hooked toward it's chest. And it's mouth was drawn back, constantly snarling to reveal large, sharp, crooked teeth."
This is the first paragraph in the novel i'm writing.
Thanks in advance.
I don't know if I'd want it to be the beginning of my novel, but I certainly like it. It's very creative, and I like how you described it. The only thing I would consider changing is the line "But it was the face." But it was the face...that what? It's a very confusing fragment that doesn't flow with the rest of the narrative, especially since you follow it with "It had the face of a..."
Maybe if the line read "But it was the face. The face was what you had to watch out for. It had the face of a wolf..." It flows better, because it explains the face and gives the fragment purpose.
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